413 SmOkE hOmEsTuCk EvErYdAy
Yo sup, I'm Adam. I'm tall and dorky, and I like video games and dinosaurs and hallucinogens and music and cosplay and Homestuck and hanging out with chill bros. Hit me up sometime.
Skype: Aerodactylus

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Cat pile (at Home)

Cat pile (at Home)

Potato (at Home)

Potato (at Home)

Kristine said to eat it, so he did. (at Sonic Drive In)

Kristine said to eat it, so he did. (at Sonic Drive In)

I used to think that I didn’t self harm because of my depression, but I do, it’s just not as obvious. Because I have such a low physical pain tolerance, I self harm through emotional pain. One of the most painful things for me to dwell on is the idea of my loved ones being hurt. When I get angry or otherwise emotionally unstable, I hurt the people around me, as a way of hurting myself. It’s punishment, that I have to think about how I caused someone I love pain. In practice it’s almost always Kristine, because I don’t care about other people the way I care about her. Part of me relishes pushing her away and making her miserable even as she’s trying to resolve an argument, and even as I feel terrible for doing it. When I’m upset I never want to feel better; rather, I work to prolong the misery as much as possible, to punish myself for fucking up, and sometimes just for existing. Many times I’ve imagined scenarios in which I commit suicide as a way to hurt those around me, sometimes preceded by killing Kristine, so I can leave knowing I have committed the ultimate sin as far as my life is concerned. If I’m feeling particularly self loathing, I will imagine killing Kristine and then being prevented from killing myself, so I must live with the knowledge of what I did, and never know peace again.

Lunch date with this cutie. (at Whole in the Wall Restaurant)

Lunch date with this cutie. (at Whole in the Wall Restaurant)

So swag.

So swag.

And done. (With special guest star CAD BANE) (Also, this vehicle can’t decide if it’s a tank or a starfighter.) (at Home)

And done. (With special guest star CAD BANE) (Also, this vehicle can’t decide if it’s a tank or a starfighter.) (at Home)

Obi-wan’s gonna shoot some bitches. (at Home)

Obi-wan’s gonna shoot some bitches. (at Home)

@themadstacker Yo check what I picked up today. #payday  (at Home)

@themadstacker Yo check what I picked up today. #payday (at Home)

Not gonna lie, I was hoping this would be an Elder Scrolls novel when I saw it. Still looks cool, tho. #payday #newstuff (at Home)

Not gonna lie, I was hoping this would be an Elder Scrolls novel when I saw it. Still looks cool, tho. #payday #newstuff (at Home)